Sunday, October 21, 2012

Test of Faith

There are seasons in life that seem to be more challenging than others. Times where it feels more difficult to have faith--and believe that it is all going to "pan out." And just when you think you've reached your limit, and you can handle no more, life dishes out something else. 
It is also in these moments, when our strength, character, determination and faith are truly put to the test. And man oh' man, has it been one of those times for me lately!

It's 5:45am. My alarm has just gone off. I wake up with the dominant thought I've had on my mind all week: Butters.  My favorite dog in the world went missing exactly one week ago today. Questions and thoughts of his whereabouts continue to plunk themselves into my mind. 

Why hasn't anyone called yet? He had his collar on him! Is someone trying to steal him?
I refocus and look at the clock. It's twenty minutes until my train leaves, and Amtrak is a punctual beast. I grab my backpack and hurry out of the house.
Faith. Trust. Uh-huh.
Faith has been playing a good game of hide and seek with me for the last seven days...Faith being the one doing the hiding. And shortly after I hunt Faith down and find her, she seems to want to play the game all over again.

I run up four flights of stairs at the train station, and barely make it on board. Talk about a great way to get your heart pumping in the morning! I take a seat and look out the window. A spectacular sunrise greets me and reminds me that today is a new day, a blessing, a gift. It seems to point out that each day presents itself with two different handles to clutch on to. We can either grab the handle of anxiety or hold on to the handle of faith. 
I open my iphone and read a few notes I jotted down this past week by Saint Augustine, Gandi and Khalil Gibran
  • "Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe."-Saint Augustine
  • "If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time and a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm." -Mahatma Gandi
  • "Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." -Khalil Gibran
How comforting it is to know that in moments when I don't have the inspiration or strength, I can always find someone who does.
I breathe in deeply and am comforted. When we let faith shape our lives, worry has no stronghold. 

It's an understatement for me to say that I do not like that my favorite pooch is missing. Emotions have run deep in me this week. And, after printing and posting fliers, putting adds on Craigslist, and searching through suburbia, fields and ditches, the only thing I can do now is to choose faithI am in charge of my attitude. A Greater Power is in charge of the rest.  

Although my prayers of finding this special dog are still strong, I have felt a shift happen as I re-discover my faith and find my "attitude of gratitude." I am reminded of the many beautiful gifts I have been given in life (even two years of love and joy with a wonderful pup).  A change is in motion. From a focus on what I temporarily do not possess, my prayers are now directed towards being responsible of living a life worthy of that which I already have.